On June 12 of this year I will celebrate my 39th birthday. I consider that the official kick-off to planning my 40th birthday party.
40 is, to date, the only approaching birthday that has filled me with any sort of anxiety or stress. 30 was a piece of cake - a total joy, even. I was completely relieved to be finished with any illusion of a connection to 19. All of the birthdays in my 30's have felt relatively mundane, with a ripple of impending doom hitting at 37.
I am convinced that so many good things await in my 40's, but it nonetheless exists in my heart (more than my mind) as a fearsome threshold.
I'm working on a plan to host an incredible event. One that will bring together the amazing creative forces of everyone in my life. In the plan, there is some sort of fundraiser - a fixed certain amount will go toward a birthday gift for me, something substantial that everyone can pitch in on, and anything above and beyond that goes to charity. With critical mass, even small contributions from everyone will add up to a lot. And I have, like, 350 friends on facebook alone! I'm stoked.
So, the question is this: should my gift be a yoga retreat or laser hair removal for my chin?
I was going to give myself the gift of a yoga retreat after my daughter stopped nursing. Reclaiming my body, taking space for myself again. That was 2 years ago and I still haven't done it. So I have a standing order for that gift.
But then there's the chin hair - I am so sick of plucking it! Plus I break out from all of the attention I pay to that swatch of skin. TMI? Maybe. Sorry.
I'm a little tripped out by the psycho-spiritual implications of the decision of which way to go as I head into this milestone of aging.
The yoga retreat is obvious and straightforward in its pure goodness - physical and spiritual health, self-nurturing. Cool -I'm evolved and evolving, I take care of myself, good for me.
Chin hairs? Is 40 when I should get over myself and my vanity issues? Is 40 when I should accept myself how I am? Is 40 when I should stop giving myself a total head trip about my very understandable desire not to have chin hair and zits? Start a home yoga practice with all the time I'll save not doing battle with my follicles?